I thought I shook myself free,
I bounce back quicker than most.
But I'm half delirious, you're too mysterious,
You walk through my walls like a ghost.
We haven't spoken in months,I've been counting the days.
I act like an addict, I've just got to have it,
I can never just leave it alone.

I must admit, I didn't think it would be incredibly hard to get over him. I miss him every single minute of every single day. I must have really loved this one.

Jonny's coming to see me tomorrow night. Reece came round today and brought me chocolate. He asked how I was, and when I said poos and wees he looked surprised and said that he didn't think I actually loved Julian. Newsflash. I did. And I do. Watch me cry.

And when it starts to interfere with work, it's not funny, no way. If I was in any way inclined to find the humour in this, which I'm not at the moment. And I'm so tired of people saying to me it'll be okay, plenty more fish in the sea...because you know what? I don't want any more fish, if I can't have that one.

I wonder if he's back living with Katharine. I know he said he was going to be staying with Bridget, but I can't help wondering how long that would last. The thing is, I kindof can see the light at the end of the tunnel here, and think that I'm better off without him...but for seven years, it's been HIM. When we couldn't stop talking, when there wasn't enough time in the world for all the things we wanted to talk about.

But I can also remember the silences, the forgotten phonecalls, the jealousy, the withdrawal of himself and his emotions, the broken promises, taking me just because he could.

Perhaps the whole episode was just a disaster. Although I'm not entirely sure of the purpose that it's served. I merely hope Karma come back and bites him in the ass.