I wanted your love, but look what it's done to me,
All my dreams have come to nothing, who would have believed
That all the laughter that we shared would be a memory,
I cannot count the tears you've caused me,
If only I could have seen...
And do you ever think of me, and how we used to be?
I know you're somewhere else by now,
Loving someone else no doubt,
Are you breaking someone else's heart?
Because you took my love to where you are.
Isn't it too, too bad about us?
I wanted your love, but I got uncertainty,
I tried so hard to understand you, for all the good it did me.
Now the places that we knew remind me of how we were,
Everything is just the same, except all I feel is hurt.
And do you ever think of me, and how we used to be?
Isn't is too, too bad about us?


Ewwwwwwwwww I have a kidney infection. Went to the doctors yesterday and she gave me a good poke in the kidneys which hurt like hell. So now I'm on antibiotics (which are HUGE) and I have to drink a crapload of water. Medical certificate giving me three days off work too.

The boyfriend has been very helpful though, bringing me all sorts of nice things to make me happy.

Can't wait to start new job, want to get stuck in to making the store do budget again etc etc.

Any man of mine better be proud of me,
Even when I'm ugly, he'd still better love me.
And I can be late for a date that's fine,
But he'd better be on time.
Any man of mine'll say it fits just right,
When last years dress is just a little too tight.
And anything I do or say better be okay
When I have a bad hair day.
And if I change my mind a million times
I want to hear him say I like it like that.


Got my package from Jacqui E....a crapload of money, my own carpark, a yearly trip to Auckland (oooo DFS Galleria, LV, Chloe....), half price clothes, bonuses and all sorts of things.

Sounds pretty damn good.

And telling my boss wasn't tooooo bad. Luckily Shelly is pregnant and her hormones are all fucked up. She was barely even listening. I've been restless there for a while now and I'm sure they were aware of that. Just four weeks left.

Great night had by all.

I'm so high I can hear heaven,
And they say that a hero can save us,
I'm not going to stand here and wait.
I'll hold on to the wings of an eagle,
And watch as we all fly away.
Someone told me that love will save us,
But look what love gave us.
A world full of killing, blood spilling,
The world that never came.
And they say that a hero can save us...
I'm not going to stand here and wait.


I got the job.

Fuck me.

And now I just have to find the courage to tell my bosses.

They're going to kill me.

And I actually never thought I'd leave. It's a little bit sad. And a little bit weird. But VERY VERY VERY exciting.

It's the beginning of good things. Very good things.

Now that you're out of my life I'm so much better.
You thought I'd be weak without you but I'm stronger.
You thought I'd be broke without you but I'm richer.
You thought I'd be sad without you, I laugh harder.
You thought I wouldn't grow without you, but I'm wiser.
You thought I'd be helpless without you, but I'm smarter.
You thought that I'd be stressed without you, I'm chillin'.
I'm wishing you the best, pray that you are blessed
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness.
I'm not going to blast you on the radio,
I'm better than that.
I'm not going to lie about you,
I'm better than that.
I'm not going to slam you on the internet,
Because my mother taught me better than that.

Second interview went well. Met the store manager, no big deal seeing as I already know her. She's the mother of someone who used to be in my team. And she remembered how I would write positive little notes on their rosters before I posted them out, and how I would have fun with the team and how I was hard but fair, and how I would write them little newsletters to encourage them. The interview only took twenty minutes and was mostly just about any questions they didn't ask last time.

I'll know by Wednesday.

They're meeting the other one next week. So it's all about sitting and waiting. Not my strong point. I want it to be Wednesday NOW!

Also so I can begin to make plans. If I get the job I won't be heading off overseas as soon as I thought. If I don't get it, I'll be going. Maybe sooner than I thought. And that leaves the problem of the boyfriend. He isn't ready to go that soon. I want to live my own life, and not be tied to what someone else wants...but I really do like him.

I think it's because I've spent so long not having to worry about what another person wants, and all of a sudden I need to be mindful of someone else. I't s hard for me. Especially having someone around me for such long periods. Maybe for anyone else, it wouldn't be a long time, but for me it seems like forever, and I treasure the little pockets of time when he's gone to the gym or gone home for something.

I'm a terrible person.

I'm out here on the street,
The things that seemed so sweet
No longer move my feet, but I keep trying.
All that I want is stillness of heart,
So I can start to find my way out of the dark,
And into your heart.

They called my referees yesterday.They called me today and invited me into Jacqui E tomorrow to see the store and meet the team. Down to the final two and I'm one of them...

Everyone else is betting I'll get it...I am not so sure.

I've been searching for you,
I heard a cry within my soul.
I've never had a yearning quite like this before,
Now that you are walking right through my door.
All of my life where have you been?
I wonder if I'll ever see you again?
And if that day comes, I know we could win.
I wonder if I'll ever see you again?
A sacred gift of heaven,
For better, worse, whatever,
I would never let somebody break you down,
Nor take your crown, never.

Lovely weekend, even the fact I had to work didn't take away the pleasure. I haven't spent so long woth another person in close company for a very long time. I'd forgotten how it felt to have someone to rely on, someone to ease the pressures, someone to share the load.

He met my parents yesterday, baby, this is serious...

Up so early, feel so bright,
Didn't get much sleep last night.
Freight train running through my head,
Whistle blowing love is dead.
Heart attacked by fear and doubt,
Won't be long till the truth comes out.
First impressions never lie,
Lover's bonds hold so fast.
Restless future burning so bright,
The past is holding on so tight.
Never heard the warning bell,
And I just want to wish you well.
Why did you give up on me so soon?


Job interview went okay. Gut feeling...I didn't get it. But then, perhaps being in such a small store would drive me mad. Will know by Friday.

Have Friday and Monday off work...four day weekend!

Also have a nasty cold/flu thingy, fair play to me though, I didn't get ill till AFTER the interview. Kept the boy up most of the night with my coughing.

Ah yes...the boyfriend. How's that going?

Good, I think is the answer. He plays chess, he seems to like small children and animals, he thinks I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, he's not cheating on me, I've met his friends who are very nice and have been his friends years. He's well mannered, he grew up on a farm, he has a very well job. He eats Mcdonalds. He sends me flowers at work, he brings me chocolates, he puts money on my mobile when I've run out of airtime. He gives good advice, he gives good backrubs and he plays with my hair.

So there you go. THAT'S how that's going.