I want my life to freeze right now. I love the life I'm living now and don't want anything to change.
I have my handsome butterball baby, my lovely little spitfire of a toddler and my beautiful girl. I have a husband who I love and who loves me, I have a house that is perfect for us. I have everything I could ever want or need.
It seems that being content is a rare thing. So many people are always looking to the next thing, the next challenge. And before they know it, life has sped by and they've spent it looking for something they can never find, something that's always just out of reach.
I never used to be content. I used to be always searching, not knowing what I was looking for, or how I would know when I found it. Over time, I've slowly learnt to stop, to quit searching for that which I will never find and just be ok with who and what I am.
In the past few years, life has come to me, and I've found that the best thing to do is to stop fighting it. I believe that life has a plan and will play out the way that has been destined for us. And I'm going to go with the flow and enjoy the ride.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 07, 2011
Sleep. It's a precious commodity in this house at the moment.
Generally, all the children have been pretty good sleepers. Aside from the horrific time when Alex was a baby, you would expect to put all three to bed and not hear from them again until morning. Zachary especially, has always been an excellent sleeper.
Times have changed. All three, for the past month or so, have been waking at least once a night. At LEAST. Amelia seems to often have bad dreams, and will wake screaming, dragging me from sleep, my heart racing, stumbling out of bed to her to try to get rid of whatever unseen monster is occupying her thoughts. Alex has a habit of waking very early- sometimes four thirty, sometimes five. Sometimes, two. Two AM. And not going back to sleep. He will stay in bed, but get progressively more vocal.
And Zachary. Zachary takes the sleep (or lack of) cake. Last night for example, I got six hours sleep. That six hours was broken four times by the youngest member of our family. Not needing anything more than a stroke on the head. Sometimes, the three of them tag team. Last week, I got up EIGHT times in the one night.
I wonder how one can keep going on such small amount of sleep. Surely it must come to a head one day. Perhaps those people who suddenly go postal have been sleep deprived and stressed for years.
But, for today, my eyes are heavy, my head hurts and I am sadly lacking in motivation.
Generally, all the children have been pretty good sleepers. Aside from the horrific time when Alex was a baby, you would expect to put all three to bed and not hear from them again until morning. Zachary especially, has always been an excellent sleeper.
Times have changed. All three, for the past month or so, have been waking at least once a night. At LEAST. Amelia seems to often have bad dreams, and will wake screaming, dragging me from sleep, my heart racing, stumbling out of bed to her to try to get rid of whatever unseen monster is occupying her thoughts. Alex has a habit of waking very early- sometimes four thirty, sometimes five. Sometimes, two. Two AM. And not going back to sleep. He will stay in bed, but get progressively more vocal.
And Zachary. Zachary takes the sleep (or lack of) cake. Last night for example, I got six hours sleep. That six hours was broken four times by the youngest member of our family. Not needing anything more than a stroke on the head. Sometimes, the three of them tag team. Last week, I got up EIGHT times in the one night.
I wonder how one can keep going on such small amount of sleep. Surely it must come to a head one day. Perhaps those people who suddenly go postal have been sleep deprived and stressed for years.
But, for today, my eyes are heavy, my head hurts and I am sadly lacking in motivation.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Decisions are very difficult.
I'm not talking about the decisions you make every day- ice cream or chocolate for dinner? Well, that one's easy. Both!
The hardest decisions are the ones that involve your children. You so desperately want to do the best for them. You want so badly to make the right choice. And you wish that somehow, you had the ability to see into the future- just for this one thing. You want to make the right decision because you are responsible for your child's happiness. Rightly or wrongly, you place their entire future on this one decision.
Everybody wants their children to be happy.
And you can't help but think of the butterfly effect- every choice, no matter how seemingly insignificant, changes the course of their future. Every choice impacts on their future happiness.
Before you become a parent you understand how terrible, how difficult it is to decide. But the absolute enormity of how your world has changed becomes apparent when that little helpless human being is placed in your arms for the first time. And then, you truly KNOW what it's like to have full, unending responsibility for this creature.
And as time goes on, and your children grow up at the speed of light, the decisions get harder and more complex. And with every choice that needs to be made, the worry about your children and their future grows too.
I'm not talking about the decisions you make every day- ice cream or chocolate for dinner? Well, that one's easy. Both!
The hardest decisions are the ones that involve your children. You so desperately want to do the best for them. You want so badly to make the right choice. And you wish that somehow, you had the ability to see into the future- just for this one thing. You want to make the right decision because you are responsible for your child's happiness. Rightly or wrongly, you place their entire future on this one decision.
Everybody wants their children to be happy.
And you can't help but think of the butterfly effect- every choice, no matter how seemingly insignificant, changes the course of their future. Every choice impacts on their future happiness.
Before you become a parent you understand how terrible, how difficult it is to decide. But the absolute enormity of how your world has changed becomes apparent when that little helpless human being is placed in your arms for the first time. And then, you truly KNOW what it's like to have full, unending responsibility for this creature.
And as time goes on, and your children grow up at the speed of light, the decisions get harder and more complex. And with every choice that needs to be made, the worry about your children and their future grows too.
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