I hope life's been good to you since you've been gone,
I'm doing fine now I've finally moved on.
It's not so bad; I'm not so sad.
I'm not surprised just how well I survived,
I'm over the worst and I feel so alive.
I can't complain, I'm free again.

Don't think I'm lying round crying at night,
There's no need to worry, I'm really alright.
I won't look back, as a matter of fact.

I don't think he'll ever talk to me again after what I said to him on Wednesday night. I was over him anyway, and I rung Adam to tell him that, and had a little dance because I was so happy that I was over him. I had rung his mum in Wanaka that evening, because his emails to me were getting more than a little odd...like saying he hates himself, his life's a failure, he tried to kill himself before he left for Scotland, that sort of thing.

I couldn't carry that burden anymore. I couldn't stop thinking that if something happened to him, then I would never forgive myself for letting it happen. I didn't want to ruin the rest of my life. And I knew it was over then, because if I still wanted him, I would have kept his secrets. I knew he'd be angry. So I rung his mother and told her,and she said that she didn't know it was that bad, and she would ring him this weekend. She must have rung him straight away, because he rung me from Scotland not too long after I'd rung her.

And I don't even feel bad! I feel so relieved that he's gone, I seriously should have done this months ago. And even though he said to me on Wednesday that he still loves me, I didn't weaken. Woo hoo me!

So he's gone, it's done and dusted, the ghost has been laid. I just wish it had been me.

I feel strong. Standing alone without crutches. I am me. A woman, an adult. A lost sheep. A found sheep. A survivor.