Goodbye, my friend, goodbye my love,
You are forever in my heart.
It was preordained we should part,
And be reunited by and by.
Goodbye: no handshake to endure.
Let's have no sadness -- furrowed brow.
There's nothing new in dying now, though living is no newer.

Slowly working my way through my feelings and thoughts...as every emotion under the sun has bubbled out of me in no particular order, I guess I should just be thankful for those who have stood by me through this, and have made it their personal business to not walk away from me.

Maybe there will be someone else, somewhere, who I'll fall in love with, but I cannot comprehend that at this time.

What kills me the most is thinking of the wedding we'll never have, the children we'll never have. We'll never grow old together or move to New York or own our own house, plant our own garden, raise our children on our farm. We'll never move to Ireland and open our own pub. We won't share our lives and friends. I won't become better friends with Natalie and share dresses. I won't drink Rachael under the table. I won't ever again make fun of James and TAG. We won't ever again roll around on the floor gasping for air between fits of laughter. We won't ever be sweet and gentle towards each other again. He will never again brush my hair for hours and then continue to stroke it and twist it around his fingers. We will never again be in love.